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Pravidla fóra


  • Žádné rasistické, ponižující, odhalující,..., však to znáte
  • Některé vtipy jdou přeložit, některé by v češtině ztratili smysl. Takže oba jazyky dovoleny.
  • Povolena jsou videa, obrázky a slovní texty - do příslušných threadů
  • Snažte se postovat co nejvíc vtipů do jednoho příspěvku. Jednotlivé vtipy graficky oddělte. Vše pro přehlednost.



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 Předmět příspěvku: Textové vtipy
PříspěvekNapsal: stř 24. pro 2008 0:50:32 
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Registrován: úte 23. zář 2008 12:28:40
Příspěvky: 1124
Bydliště: Brno
What does "BILLS" stand for in Buffalo Bills?

Boy I Love Losing Superbowls

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A little Bear is at his custody hearing. The judge asks the little bear whom he wants to live with. Well, I don't want to live with Mamma bear, she beats me. And I do not want to live with Papa Bear, he beats me too. The Judge asks little bear if he has any relatives whom he likes. Little Bear says no. . . I want to live with the Chicago Bears, the don't beat anybody.

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Q: Kolik hracu Saints je potreba pro ziskani Lombardi Trophy?
A: Nikdo nevi a snad nikdy nezjisti.


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Q: Je to hrac Saints a ma na ruce prsten z Superbowlu, co je to?
A: Zlodej!!!

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Q: Ctyri hraci Cowboys jedou v aute, kdo ridi?
A: Policajt!!!

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Q: Dallas bude hrat pristi rok hrat na pisku, proc?
A: Protoze hraci vykourili vsechnu travu a sjeli vsechny lajny!!!

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A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she like the game. 'I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents,' she said. 'What do you mean?' he asked. 'Well, everyone kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back!'

_________________
Obrázek

Look up! Get up! And don't ever give up!


Nahoru
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 Předmět příspěvku: Re: NFL Jokes
PříspěvekNapsal: stř 24. pro 2008 0:56:55 

Registrován: pát 26. zář 2008 16:39:06
Příspěvky: 490
If the New England Patriots are called the "Pats", and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are called the "Bucs", then what do you called the Tennessee Titans?

Q. What do the Steelers and bumble bees have in common? A. They are both black and yellow and get smeared all over your windshield.

Where do Raiders fans hold their get togethers? Cellblock D.

A Virginia judge has ruled that Michael Vick will have to appear in person to plead guilty to state dog-fighting charges. And in his current financial situation, he may have to take the Greyhound to get there. The Raiders are reportedly interested in signing Vick. Luckily for him, Oakland is one of the few places in America where a prison record is a job requirement.

Warren Sapp reported to Raiders Camp 50 pounds lighter and can now be weighed by conventional equipment. When asked how he did it, Sapp told reporters he skipped lunch.

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citaty Johna Maddena:

"Whenever you talk about a Mike Shanahan offence, you're always going to be talking about his offence."

"Here's a guy who when he runs, he moves faster."

"90 percent of the game is half mental."

"To get more yards, it's best to move the ball from the line of scrimmage down the field."

"Usually the team with the most points wins the game!"

“When your arm gets hit, the ball is not going to go where you want it to.”

“Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field.”

"They'll score if they can just get into the endzone."

"Well when you're playing good football, it's good football and if you don't have good football then you're not really playing good football"

"If the defender puts his hand in front of the ball, the receiver can't catch it"

"The key to the Atlanta defense is that they play well...on defense."

"The reason a team has a defense is to stop the other team's offense. And the reason a team has an offense is to score points, so really the reason there is a defense is to make sure the other team doesn't put up a lot of points. BAM!"

“From the waist down, Earl Campbell has the biggest legs I’ve ever seen on a running back.”


Nahoru
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 Předmět příspěvku: Re: NFL Jokes
PříspěvekNapsal: stř 24. pro 2008 1:12:44 
Uživatelský avatar

Registrován: úte 23. zář 2008 12:28:40
Příspěvky: 1124
Bydliště: Brno
Dallas Cowboys maji doted v letosni sezone record: 9-6...
... 9 zatcenych a 6 odsouzenych.

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Q.Why do the Detroit Lions want a clone?

A.So they would have somebody they could beat.

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Q. Jak pocitaji Detroit Lions do 16ti?

A. 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10 , 0-11, 0-12, 0-13, 0-14, 0-15, 0-16

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***2009 LIONS SCHEDULE***


September
14..........Squirrel Rapids Middle School
21..........Cub Scout Troop #101
28..........Detroit Blind Academy


October
05..........Spanish American War Vets
12..........Crippled Children's Home
19..........Eloise Mental Hospital
26..........Girl Scout Troop #353


November
02..........Detroit Venereal Disease Clinic
09..........Troy Boys Choir
16..........Korean Amputees


SPECIAL MONDAY NIGHT GAME


December
08..........Flint Boys Club

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Whats the differance between a Browns Fan and a Bucket of Shit.




The Bucket

:lol:

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A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Ravens fan, and a Steelers fan - are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.

The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.

Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.

The is Steelers fan next to profess his love for his team. He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Ravens fan off the mountain.

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Q:Why does Donovan Mcnab eat his Cambell's Chunky soup out of a can?


A:Because everytime he gets near a bowl he CHOKES!

_________________
Obrázek

Look up! Get up! And don't ever give up!


Nahoru
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 Předmět příspěvku: Re: Textové vtipy
PříspěvekNapsal: stř 21. pro 2011 20:30:31 

Registrován: pon 05. pro 2011 13:35:04
Příspěvky: 1
Bydliště: Teplice
In a school just outside Chicago, a first grade teacher Explained to her class that she is a Bears Fan. She asked her students to raise their hands if they are Bears fans too. Not really knowing what a Bears fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands all fly into the air with one exception. A little boy named Timmy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks him why he has decided to be different. "Because I am not a Bears fan." says Timmy. The teacher asks "Then what are you?" Timmy says "I am a proud Green Bay Packers fan!" The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Timmy why he is a Packers fan. "Well, my Mom and Dad are Packers fans so I'm a Packers fan, too." Timmy responds. The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot? Timmy smiled and said, "Then I'd be a Bears fan."


So, God brought Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, and Brett Favre to heaven and asked why they believe he should let them stay in heaven. First he asks Peyton, "Why do you think you should be here?" Peyton replies, " I have done well and think I am deserving."
Then he asks Tom the same question, to which he replies "I'm the golden boy, I think I would fit in great in heaven". Then God asks Favre, " What do you believe?" Favre replies, " I believe you're in my chair".


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